Living at the edge

What does it mean to you, when I ask, “Are you living at your edge?”….I’m curious, and, I want to share what it means to me. I’ll give you an example of something I experienced very recently about my own edge.

Most of us have a sense of what being at the edge of our comfort zone is all about. For me, when I trekked to Everest Base Camp, back in 2010, it was an experience that was certainly out of my comfort zone, for many reasons……I’d never undertaken such an extreme physical challenge before, I signed up to do the trek alone and I’d not done anything like that on my own before, I had to raise over £3000 in sponsorship money and that was something new too…the list goes on…

Living at my edge is similar, and different, to being at the edge of my comfort zone.

My edge, by definition, feels edgy…it feels sharper… even unsafe, emotionally. The thing about my edge is that it doesn’t require me to do something, or take some kind of action…my Everest Base Camp example is not what I’m talking about here.

My edge is much more subtle and difficult to pin down. It’s much more about my insecurities, my past experiences and my pain. It’s about when I am at the edge of what I feel is safe. It’s the times I am hurting and really want to shut down to avoid that pain. It’s about whether I can keep my heart open in those moments and whether I am willing to tune into what is really going on. Ultimately, it’s about an opportunity for healing, wholeness and deeper connection.

For example, a couple of weeks ago, I went off to my pilates class and on the way there I was thinking about how tired I felt and how I would take it easy and not push myself too much at my class. In fact, what happened, was that I had a great class, felt really in the flow of it and my teacher mentioned a couple of things I’d done really well.

That evening, I told my husband about it, and, he didn’t respond in the way I wanted. I wanted him to pat me on the back and say how great I was. He didn’t. He made some comment about something that I didn’t agree with and I felt upset and cross.

The point is, I experienced one of my edges. I got to see how I wanted my husband’s praise and support, and, when I didn’t get it, the small part of me kicked off, it had a tantrum.

Ultimately, when I stepped back, I got to see that I can be the one who gives me the praise I want, I can be the one to pat myself on the back. Ultimately, I got to experience my own strength, and it felt gooood. I saw that I don’t always need someone else to affirm me. I might like it, and, I don’t need it, every time. I got to see, again, that it matters much much more how I feel about myself rather than what anyone else says or doesn’t say.

Of course, it doesn’t mean I don’t need my husband’s love and support. I do. And, he gives it. This is about an opportunity where I got to experience my hurt, to stay open, and then to move through it to a feeling of deeper inner strength and connection.

Ultimately, my edge does give me an opportunity for growth and expansion, and, in a different way to the growth I experience at the edge of my comfort zone.

So I’m curious, where are your edges? What does it look like when you are living at the edge?

As always, please do share in the bubble on this page, I’d love to hear from you.

Til next time, love to you,

Catherine

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