I don’t know about you, and I haven’t always felt safe and comfortable around other women.
I first became aware of it, I think, when I often felt like the odd one out at the all girls’ school I attended. I wasn’t one of the popular, pretty girls. I worked hard and I was good at exams. I usually came first or second in my class on my end of term report. Having red curly hair, and wearing glasses until my early teens, didn’t make it easy for me to blend in. I stood out, and I wasn’t comfortable about it.
Even before that, I related, more naturally, with my Dad. I felt safer with him in many ways, than with my Mum. She didn’t express her emotions very much, and I felt alone and out of my depth in handling my own sensitivity and feelings. It was easier for me to talk to my Dad, about logical things, and use my intellect, to reason and debate with him, rather than delve into the unpredictability (and, fear) of my inner world.
As I got older, I found I could flirt and ‘play with’ men, in a way that didn’t always endear me to other women. Although I always had female friends, there was still something about women, that, under the surface, I felt uneasy being around. I can see I was obviously giving out, certainly to varying degrees, and therefore attracting back, a wariness. Men seemed to warm to me, much more than many women did. I generally found men to be supportive and reliable. Women often seemed to me, to be not quite as certain, and solid, somehow.
Fast forward to now, 20 plus years on, and I have a completely different experience with women. Particularly latterly, in the past few, or so, years, I have been enjoying the most incredible women in my life. The feeling of closeness, support, love and trust, as well as, relaxation, gentleness and acceptance, that I share in, is nothing less than, breathtaking.
I get it, that this has everything to do with me. In that, by shifting my energy, so my relationships with women have shifted. By taking a peek into what was going on under the surface, in my uneasiness around women, I have faced the fears that I held within me. I was afraid to let my guard down. I was afraid to be that vulnerable. I was afraid of feeling those feelings, that felt to me, so scary and out of control. I was afraid that if I exposed too much, then I would be open for criticism and attack.
Now, I am so much more accepting of myself. These days, I am able to look kindly and gently on myself, and all the ways I still feel alone or not good enough. I am able to receive the gifts, that women’s friendship offers. The magic that happens, is that as I show my tender spots, I am, in return, tenderly held and supported.
From a young girl who felt women to be less than trustworthy, I am now a woman who is moved by the beauty of, and touched by the deliciousness of, female friendship.
It has been my desire, increasingly of late, to create opportunities for us to gather together. I want us all to have the chance to unwrap the gift, of what those times are ripe and rich with. There is, for sure, a pertinent need, to compassionately be willing to let go of, any fears about lowering our lingering layers of protection. I am inviting you to step into this place with me. It is a place where Truth and Beauty prevail. Tenderly, we will hold each other. Gently, we will heal one another. As we come face to face with, all that our ego believes it needs to have in place, in order for us to be safe. We will, together, experience the equisite joy, that awaits us on the other side of our letting go. There is so much love, and truly good times, to enjoy. Noone is teacher, noone is student, We are all one, in this together, I trust.
If this is resonating, I invite you to stay tuned as this unfolds. I intend to organise more gatherings and retreats, infused with this wonderful, supportive and loving energy of female friendship. Alternatively, please PM me or email me and ask to receive more details as I have them (firstname.lastname@example.org).