The Liberation of Surrendering to Pain

I’m excited my latest article, about my path to liberation through surrendering to my pain and the gifts I received as a result, has been published. Thank you elephant journal.

an excerpt…
“Men, as much as you are distracted and shackled, through seeing me through the narrow lens focused on my outward appearance, you are not able to stand, fully centered and strong, in your masculine power. You are not able to provide the clear-sighted support and direction that my feminine gifts are calling for. Men, I need your assistance in bringing my feminine power and wisdom into tangible action and form in the world.

Dear men, I ask you, please let now be the time you see me as I truly am. I am a woman and I am powerful. I am a life-giving presence in the world.

This is not just for men though, I am calling for us all… to be fiercer, more careful, and, ultimately, more loving. It was quite a push to write this, to be this bold, and, it felt important.

(heads up : some adult themes as well as a mindful message)

The Liberation of Surrendering to Pain.

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Actions speak louder

Two words are front and centre for me just now… Powerful and Action.

I’m not American, and, this is affecting us all. On the morning I woke up to the news that Donald Trump had won the US Presidential election, I felt that in action, not reaction, was where I wanted to be.

Action = Powerful

Reaction = Powerless

I got quiet, I listened and I heard.

The first thing that happened was, a “Prayer For Guidance”, came to me (I will share it with you below).

The second thing that happened was, my prayer was answered. I knew what I was going to do.

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My promise to Love

As I’m watching events unfolding in the US, I feel the urge to do something, as a British woman, to contribute, positively. I feel, at times, helpless as to what my contribution might be.

 
A little while ago I wrote a poem. It came to me as a response to what I see is happening, globally, in terms of the dawn of something good that is coming into being… a world where healthy feminine and masculine energies live together and work together, for the good of ALL.

 
My poem is my prayer to the divine, feminine and masculine, my apology for my past unconscious contribution to all that keeps us trapped in unhealthy ways of being, and, it is my promise to Love.

 
This is my poem.

 
Are you willing to walk beside me into the fire
Are you willing to hold me as I burn
As the flames take hold
Are you willing to be my witness as I lay all of me at your feet
Can you bear to rest loving eyes upon me as I reveal every last part of me

 
Will you gently hold me as I tell you about how I despise us
How your compliance, my compliance, in our enslavement, disgusts me
How I can’t bear to see your pathetic unaware desperate attempts to be loved and accepted, desired and wanted
They remind me, too much, of my own feeble attempts to please, to be good enough
My unaware manipulation, of you, that you would protect me
My unaware selling myself, so that you would keep me safe
So that I inspired your strength, so that I could bask in my weakness

 
It is time dear warrior, within and without
That I stand on my own trembling legs, and find the strength that I carry within me
It is time that I own my fears and cowardice
That I claim the fire in my belly and learn how to wield it’s power
I will not rely on you for my salvation, my home coming
It is not your burden to carry
I am sorry I have expected that you would

 
I give you back your power too, as I claim my own
I am ready dear one, for my masks, all of them, to fall
I am ready to bear my naked truth, to all of creation
I am ready to offer the gifts that I have been hiding
In service of all that is unfolding, for love, and for truth

 
Amen

Courage

Courage
It is not always a loud and showy affair
Often, it is a quiet truth
Spoken, tentatively, in the night
It is the patient refusal, to numb out
Or deny, those sharp or heavy pains, in your heart
Sometimes, it is the bravest act
To speak up, purely, for the rightness, of speaking out
No assurances of what will follow
Courage
To stand, unwaveringly, in truth

Are you a pioneer?

Are you a pioneer?

I wonder, do you consider yourself to be a pioneer?

I just looked up the dictionary definition of “pioneer”, and it says…

“pioneer : a person who is among the first to explore or settle a new country or area.”

I’m curious to explore what that means for us, in the world we are living in today.

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The story I’ve not yet told you

There’s a part of my life, a story, that I’ve not yet told you. And now, feels like the right time to tell it.

I know that this story wants to be told, I’ve known it for some time. The problem I’ve been encountering, is how to tell it, AND, the reason behind why I want to tell it. You see, it’s not something I feel clear on, certain about, or something that I completely understand. It’s more like, the not telling of it, is proving too heavy to hold. I feel a need to share it, that I want to share it, for myself, for you, for all of us. I want to lay this down.

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Tomorrow, it’s my birthday!

Tomorrow, it’s my birthday. And today, I’m reflecting on the past 45 years. I’m feeling a deep sense of appreciation for where I am, who I am, and, for how my life is unfolding.

I’m also taking a peek into the future.

I feel I have reached a place, where, even though, there are many questions rolling around in my system at the moment, I also have an undeniable feeling of, “it’s all ok, life really is, all ok”… even when there are times, it hurts, and sometimes, it, does, really, hurt, I know all, is, well.

Having been, over the years, and still currently,  being gifted opportunities, to look all of my greatest fears right in the eye, and of accepting the unavoidability of coming face to face with them, as I turn 45, I am humbled to find myself, undeniably, perfectly poised, to journey into the next phase of my life, feeling equipped, and strong, and whole, enough, to really start to express my fullness, and to shine my light, in a much bigger way.

Who I am is not new to me. Who I am is who I have always known myself to be. Even as a very young child, I had a insatiable curiosity about life, about the universe, about how ‘it’ all works… Life always seemed, to me, so deliciously wondrous.

Outwardly, I have hidden much of my natural curiosities. Over the years, I’ve been judged too sensitive, too idealistic, too intense, too naive, too emotional… I have retreated and protected myself to varying degrees.

And now, after 45 years, I know I am ready to take bold steps out into the light, and to show up, as the real ‘me’!

Am I sometimes scared?

Yes.

I wonder what I will reveal, and how I will be received, or not.

Am I sometimes doubtful?

Yes.

I wonder “how?”. “How can I contribute, in the way I long to contribute, to the world being a kinder, more gentle, and compassionate place? …a world where it is ok for each of us to be ourselves, and for us to not feel we have to hide, fit in, and be something we’re not, in order to be accepted and loved.”

Am I ready, to give this all my best shot?

YES! It is who I am, and it is what I came here to do.

Do I know how, do I know exactly how, this calling will manifest, out there, in the world?

No, I don’t.

I have some avenues I am exploring, and, nothing is certain, or ‘a given’, or feels very concrete at the moment. And, I AM ready to voyage into these unchartered waters. I am ready to explore and reveal, the truth of who I am, the heart of who I am. I am ready to talk about the things, that are glaringly present in my awareness. As, we, more and more of us on the planet, take the steps to healing and wholeness, I am called to explore and talk about…

…How, we, as women, as the feminine, show up, powerfully, and, how can we, healthily, allow the masculine to support us, and what that might look like (both in terms of our allowing the support of the men in our lives, and also in terms of us supporting ourselves with our own inner masculine energies)? And, also, I wonder how, what we are asking from our men, impacts, on them, going forward, and on their roles in life, and as well, on our intimate, romantic relationships, together?

I want to dive deeper, into the topic of…

…How we can all, women and men, begin to really shift, in a much bigger way, from a world of ‘haves’ and ‘have nots’, of ‘winners’ and ‘losers’, of comparison and competition, to a world of inclusiveness, of support, of our embracing and accepting all of the surface-level differences between us, to one of cooperation, collaboration and co-creation.

…How we can embody, more and more, our true natures, and so birth, a much healthier, happier, thriving world?

I know it begins on the inside. It begins as we work to heal, and make whole, ourselves, individually. Each of us, I trust, has a part to play, a really, real, and vital part, to play.

I’m curious, I invite you…

…Where is there pain, discomfort or upset, in your life?

…Are you willing, very gently, to begin to ask that discomfort, “What can you show me, how can you make me more whole?”

…Are you available to be with another, to, just, simply, be there, present, as someone else, opens up, feels and expresses, what is true for them, in any given moment, without needing to jump in and try and fix, or rescue, them? Can you be with someone else’s discomfort and not judge or make wrong in any way?

There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in any of this. For me, the only requirements, are that you are open and willing, to see how you might play your part, in bringing more love and community into the world. For, that, I see, is the only possible way we go forward, as humanity.

I send you so much love. And, I wish you a happy 11th June!

Catherine